He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
