Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh god it's open bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize