I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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