Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
