We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
