i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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