Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
