Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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