i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
