we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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