you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
