well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
