dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
