Banned from zoo.
Again?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
