So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
