It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
