Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
