You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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