And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
