I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize