He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
