My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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