I hate your face
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
