so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
