The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
