Only a mothe r could love this liver
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
