how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
