i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
