omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
