I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
