Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
