They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
