covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
