I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
