my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love you. Go after that dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
