worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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