I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is Oprah even human
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
