he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
