I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
