I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
