just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
