i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
