she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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