I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
