It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
