Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
