Girls should come with a carfax report
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
