i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
being pregnant is like rehab
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
