i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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