I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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