I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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