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everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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