You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
