i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
