I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
