Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
