I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
