apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
