so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
