sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
