Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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