96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
