I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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