Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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