I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
