you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
