if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Did I show you my penis last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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