I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize