4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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