i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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