Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
