Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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