Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
