yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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